I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
