too bad you live with your parents still
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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