Nicole vs. Life
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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