I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
