my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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