I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
