My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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