There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
