Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
