Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
