just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Randomize
