His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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