And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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