when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Randomize
