it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Randomize
