Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Randomize
