so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
