I'm drive I can fine osifer
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
