...so i touched it.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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