Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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