That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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