I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I want to be your penis for a week.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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