Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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