I'm passing your future prison.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize