He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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