dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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