So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize