Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I am one with the molecules
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
