I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
