I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
