When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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