I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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