THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I lost the right to judge tonight
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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