just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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