there's paper in my vomit.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
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