did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
