i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
