Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize