You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
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