Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
