i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i think i have two assholes
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize