so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
