If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
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