i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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