Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
