Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
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