I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
