i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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