I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
