There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
