I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
