Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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