she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
