Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize