shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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