Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
