Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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