went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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