The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
