Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
