I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
