New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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