Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
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