Just fell off a train. Bad.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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