Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
