i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i was born a porn star she said
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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