My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
