so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
