Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
