Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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